I am on big jumble of feelings and emotions tonight.
I started packing today. Packing my life into boxes again, because its what I do. I don’t think it will ever get easier, no matter how excited I am or how often I move. I don’t think goodbyes, no matter how short, will not break my heart. I don’t think I will ever be able to do this without that panic and fear and crushing anxiety setting in.
I am so excited to get back to Maine. To work. To my friends and to what I love. But I am so sad to leave here. To leave home. My family. My friends. Everything that I love.
And there is something missing this time. That one constant and rock when I feel out of control, is missing. So I’m feeling a little lost.
I know I am on the right path, and that this is the right choice for me and that my life is good and going how it should. But that doesn’t mean I don’t need a reminder every once in a while. And I need a reminder tonight. That this is okay. That this move is good. Even though I know it is.
I’m just feeling off course tonight, thats all.
It would be nice to really feel like a success in some peoples eyes. To know someones proud of my hard work.
Because I sure as fuck am.